By Gabriel Foster
Edgar and Sharlene lived in the country of Henislight, and were very much in love, but their relationship was a hard one, even for a love as strong as theirs. Missteps and distrust plagued every heartbeat of the relationship. Even simple mistakes between them became heavy quarrels laced with inflamed stress levels neither of them should be bearing. The situation was unfolding a cautionary tale to anyone who turned away from the act of forgiveness.
The couple’s therapist doctor Susan English, sat them down and provided the following:
“Forgiveness is more than just good will or religious practice. If done right, it can provide numerous health benefits to you, especially as you age. Some may ask a fair question. Why should I forgive someone? The answer to that may have different reasons for different people, but universally, it’s because the health benefits are like healing energy to the spirit, mind, and body for everyone.” She noted.
“When you do decide to forgive, forgiving someone fully will allow you to set free the anger and resentment you feel for them. You may begin to now feel in its place empathy and compassion for them instead. Forgiveness is not forgetting the wrongs someone did to you, but not embracing the feelings of anger, hurt, pain and suffering it causes you. All those negative feelings will only manifest themselves in the long term as health problems.” She looked at the couple compassionately.
“If you’re still not convinced about what forgiveness can do for you, I’ll outline the types of health benefits you can expect should you start this process of what various studies have shown. You’ll experience an enhanced immune system, less symptoms of depression, better relationships, better heart health, better mental health, better self-esteem and a reduction in anxiety, stress, hostility, and blood pressure.” She continued.
Negative Effects of Unforgiving
Doctor English advised “There are two specific things that studies have shown happen when people do not find a way to forgive. The first is an adverse effect on the immune response. Under normal circumstances, the immune system works by defending itself against harmful substances like bacteria, toxins, and viruses. This defense system breaks down under the stress of not being forgiving.”
She further advised, “post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Yes! Chronic anger triggers the fight-or-flight response in a person, and it stays on indefinitely. That’s a lot of stress to undergo even when you have no reason to run or do battle. The disorder is triggered during an emotional or physical event that is traumatizing. Example! During a natural disaster, physical abuse etc. You can often recognize it by its symptoms, such as emotional & physical tension, angry flareups, bad dreams, emotional detachment, and sleeplessness.”
No Time Like the Present to Heal
“As I said at the beginning of this session”, their therapist elaborated, “forgiveness is a process, so letting go of long pent-up anger and resentment isn’t always easy or quick, but it is effective in restoring you back to a healthier state of emotional health. Don’t waste another minute imprisoning yourself in the negative effects of an unforgiving hold.”
“Start by making a determined effort to let go of the anger/resentment towards that person who did you wrong. It doesn’t matter about the circumstance, whether it was a spouse that had an affair, a heated dispute with parents, physical or emotional abuse by a close friend etc., no matter the situation, you can forgive yourself.”
“It’s important to understand these four things. One! Forgiveness does not mean forgetting the incident or excusing it, but it may help you to have understanding as to why they did what they did by seeing things from their point of view. Two! Even if the person that wronged you refuses to admit any kind of wrongdoing, still forgive them. You are doing this for “you”, not them. Do not in any way blame yourself for being hurt by them. The fault is 100% theirs. Three! You don’t have to make up with the person to forgive them. In fact, seeing them may resurface the anger. If that happens, don’t worry, it’s a process, remember? Begin again. Four! If the wrong doer happens to be you and you have acknowledged that you were at fault, then it becomes more imperative that you begin the forgiveness process, especially by reaching out to the person you have wronged. Even if they have not forgiven you, and are incapable of doing so, still reach out and acknowledge what you’ve done. You are worth the time to invest in the forgiveness process.”
And with that, the therapist concluded the session after thirty minutes. “Edgar & Sharline! I want you both to reflect on my overall explanation on forgiveness as a whole and for next week’s appointment, we’ll get into your specific situation with recommendations.” “Until then, have a good week.”
GF Poetic Wisdom | It takes courage to forgive someone, but it takes unbelievable strength to fashion a piece of heaven within your own heart. ~ Gabriel Foster
